March 17, 2014
Aimed at mothers of sons of all ages, Meeker's (Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters) latest self-help manual takes multiple, not always cohesive, approaches to navigating the parent-child gender divide. While some statistically founded male-female differences, such as general deviations in communication style, are included, the author makes unexplained assertions that men and women are basically positioned to misunderstand one another. Meeker's contentions that every boy will feel threatened by the emotional attachment he has to his mother and that nothing is more important to a son than a solid relationship with his father are to be accepted as absolutes with no mention of the underpinning of data. Even though the "boy code" that triggers many boys' emotional off-switch is credited largely to social factors, mothers are said to be naturally more in tune with a son's needs. When we are offered a glimpse of why it is mothers are "wired" for more sensitive communication, the reasoning is imprecise. Meeker's points about egocentricism precluding children from truly empathizing with adults' emotions are some of the most clearly delineated in the book. Whereas in other places her line of thinking is less clear with claims that either unsubstantiated or appear out of the blue, such as when Meeker firmly asserts that religious faith in God makes it "far easier" to instil hope in your son. While it contains notable anecdotes and nuggets of advice few would questionâsuch as to keep yourself emotionally healthy so you can nurture your kidsâthe manual relies heavily on underdeveloped theories on the strict, troublesome gender differences between essentially all mothers and sons.
March 1, 2014
How women can raise boys to become good men. More than ever, women are under pressure to be "everything to everyone," writes Meeker (The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose, and Sanity, 2010, etc.), as "working women feel that they must perform equally well both in the office and in caring for their home, husband, and children." The dynamics of raising boys is especially difficult for women due to the gender difference and the fact that women tend to be nurturing and helpful while allowing their sons to evolve into men in a constantly shifting masculine paradigm. Through research and interviews from her own practice, Meeker gives women the necessary tools to understand that perfection is not a realistic goal but that doing the best one can will ensure good results. Equally useful to single mothers and women with husbands is the advice that sons need to know they are loved from a very young age, as this builds a foundation of confidence in a child, a base that allows a boy to gradually move away from his mother as he interacts with male peers and elders. A boy's home life must be solid: a safe haven to return to regardless of his age, a place where his thoughts and feelings are respected and where he can express his hopes and dreams without fear of judgment. Meeker recommends introducing boys to religion, prayer and the unconditional love that comes from having a strong faith to boost self-confidence. She also skillfully navigates the world of sex--from a boy's first body awareness to the powerful effects of pornography and sexual messages embedded in social media, video games and news media, to his interactions in the world of girls and women. A mother's imprint on her son is powerful right from birth and remains so throughout her son's life. Meeker's advice gives women the tools to navigate these often rocky waters with confidence. Solid, practical advice for women on how to properly nurture their sons.
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