Labor of Love

February 22, 2016
Debut author Weigel, a doctoral candidate at Yale, examines the cultural and practical history of dating through a contemporary and scholarly lens. Proving that everything old is new again, she leads readers through the history of courtship rituals from the early 1900s until the present day, noting that some things—such as looking to be supported financially in one way or another—never completely change, regardless of the decade. She also takes on the topic of myriad dating apps and how they can affect the ways people perceive one another. Perhaps most comfortingly for those still navigating the shoals of the dating world, Weigel definitively casts aside the long litany of supposed “rules” in dating, challenging questionable self-help dating tomes such as the once-ubiquitous The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, Lori Gottlieb’s Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, and Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. “This form of self-help precludes the possibility that a connection between two or more people might be capable of changing the conditions in which they live, and the genre exists to help perpetuate those conditions,” she advises, noting that every relationship—and courtship—differs. Weigel adds a personal layer to narrative by sharing her own tribulations in dating, noting that her own experience and advice is born of much trial and error. This smart, refreshing take on the history of dating is best suited to those looking to partake in the ritual.

April 1, 2016
Dating undermines authenticity, the author claims. In her debut book, Weigel examines the history and current practices of dating in hopes of making sense of her own feelings of discomfort and oppression. After years of dating, she felt that she "was trying to make a life according to rules I did not understand and that the process had blinded me to my desires." Dating made her feel as if she were "impersonating all the women I thought I should be." She had lost her sense of self. Her investigation led her to self-help books, movies, TV shows, popular songs, histories of courtship and marriage, and interviews with daters, experts, and scholars, all of which provide evidence for her breezy, digressive overview focusing mostly on the experiences of white, middle-class, heterosexual women. Weigel finds that the word "date" first appeared in print in 1896, used by a working-class man to refer to his courtship. At the turn of the century, middle-class men called on women in their homes, following strict rules of etiquette, but working-class couples went out to restaurants, dance halls, and amusement parks. In both cases, though, women were supposed to be the passive recipients of men's desires. Shopgirls learned how to style themselves by observing their well-heeled clients; "Charity Girls" aspired to be treated to gifts and meals. Both types worked hard to market themselves as dating prospects, efforts that Weigel sees continuing into the present, with diets, makeup, clothing, gym memberships, personal trainers, and fine-tuned profiles on dating websites. "In order to appeal to prospective lovers," the author writes, "you must not only know where to look," but also "brand yourself so that you will be searchable by the right people." Weigel's angst and disillusionment ended with finding love that enriched, rather than eroded, her sense of identity. An earnest plea to think about love mindfully.

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March 1, 2016

Just how do people go about meeting one another in pursuit of entertainment, status, companionship, loot, affirmation, sex, procreation, and/or marriage? For her first book, Weigel offers a spirited social and economic history of dating in America. She examines courtship rituals and practices from the start of the 20th century through the overbooked digital age, pausing to consider such highlights as the loaded jargon of dating; the contemporary condemnation of "going steady"; the advent of the gay bar, of free love, and of technology-assisted date selection from video dating to Tinder; and the evolving normative social attitude toward dating, which has shifted from considering it transgressive to considering it traditional. More or less chronological but nonlinear, Weigel's treatment blends historical aspects of dating under broad themes such as "school" (college culture), "protocol" (ensuring personal safety in the AIDS and online eras), and "plans" (for offspring and security). Her overarching theme, as hinted in the wordplay of the title, is dating as work, a marketplace activity shaped by economic realities vastly more macro than the intimacies of individual couples. VERDICT Timely and provocative, this work is a solid choice for readers interested in contemporary social behaviors and their antecedents.--Janet Ingraham Dwyer, State Lib. of Ohio, Columbus

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Starred review from May 1, 2016
The fear that dating is somehow in crisis is a common refrain these days, but in her first book, Weigel shows how American society has found the concept problematic from its inception. The term first came into use at the very end of the nineteenth century as young people took courtship outside of the home and into the various entertainment venues that large cities offered, to the consternation of their elders and even the police. The arrival of coeds on college campuses further gave young people opportunities to mingle and find romantic partners, even as the universities looked askance at raucous partying and cohabitation. Seeing opportunity, businesses started marketing products to these young hopefuls, paving the way for future generations to look at dating as a job and coupling as something of a corporate merger. Weigel acknowledges that dating for people of color and those who identify as LGBT was markedly different than the experiences of their heterosexual white, middle-class compatriots, illustrating the unique challenges these groups faced. Weigel's smart, accessible, and illuminating examination of the evolution of dating from its beginnings to the age of OK Cupid and Tinder makes for fascinating reading.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2016, American Library Association.)